In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote a ground-breaking book, Future Shock, that said our society had and will continue to experience change on an exponential level. And it isn’t just the advance of technology that’s speeding up (like your smart phone has as much power as those room-sized computers back in the 60’s), it’s also the number of choices we encounter on an almost daily basis. Just look in the Dairy case at the supermarket and you’ll find at least 9 varieties of milk — and more than one vendor offering each, usually:
2% fat milk
1% fat milk
Enhanced skim milk — that looks and tastes more like 2% milk!
Soy milk in multiple flavors
Buttermilk — the youngsters always go “Ewwwwww” if/when they see that one.
So what does this have to do with panties, you ask. Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but like milk, there are more types of panties (in multiple fabrics) than you could have ever imagined. And these are garments that (most times) are not for public consumption. For the record (and feel free to pile on) you got your bikini, hi-cut bikini, hipster, boy short, tap pant, tanga, thong, G-string, and the mother of all undies — the full coverage brief, or granny panty. Don’t misunderstand me: I’ve worked in the fashion industry my whole career so I know that designers need to keep discovering and designing new things so customers feel compelled to buy these delightful new products. And this in turn helps our economy and keeps America beautiful. (As there are maybe only 5 people on the whole planet who make the world more beautiful when they are naked. Go ahead and imagine them in your head as a little respite from reading this~ I’ll join you.)
Now I consider panties to be a type of commodity, much like milk. And I defend personal choice when it comes to your undergarments, but I can no longer tolerate the besmirching of the Granny Panty. She is the constant you turn to when all your party panties are in the wash, or maybe you don’t feel well today and need a little TLC? Or it’s a cold/wet/snowy day and you’ve been outside long enough to make your tender bottom chilly? Whatever the reason, embrace the spirit of your inner granny, that Jezabel, and proudly pull on your Granny Panty, because we all know that age, cunning and comfortable elastic waists will triumph over youth, speed, and too-tight thongs in the end!