Congratulations! It’s a BEHEMOTH!

Saturday the new refrigerator arrived.  The delivery guys, Carlos and his Silent Partner, said that 1 out of every 100 refrigerators they deliver does not fit, and it was our turn to be the exception that proves the rule.  I will defend my spouse who is the Keeper of the Measurements.  This is the first time in all our life together that this has ever happened so I blame 98% of it on the manufacturer.  The other 2% comes from the 3/4″ of molding at the floor that was hidden by the old ‘fridge.

OK — so we take the molding off the wall and now the dang thing is 3/4″ too tall to fit under the cabinet, but don’t fret!  Who keeps anything in those forsaken cabinets so high and away?? I did check up there and found those knife sets my Mother-In-Law INSISTED she gave me back in 2005, and damn it!  Even from beyond the grave, she’s right!  Carlos and Co. said they will work with us to trim the cabinet and we’ll shove the box in.   Luckily, the Master has a vast collection of tools that cut through all kinds of stuff so after a little bit of measuring twice, three, four times, and navigating a little bit of a language gap, the guys installed my now “built-in” Frankenfridge!   Here’s another secret, they sprayed Windex on the top and sides to slide it in, and it worked like a charm.  It is bigger than I  remembered from the store, steely and beautiful, and even more importantly my spouse’s eyes light up when he looks at it.  (Makes me wonder if he’s got a secret crush on the Tin Man ~  I have not seen him look at me like that in recent memory.) You see, if I had unlimited resources I would design a really long galley kitchen where all pantry cabinets and pots and pans were at eye-level so the Master could see them.  Because if it isn’t in his sight- line, it may as well not exist.   And this refrigerator is one of those models with the freezer on the bottom and the 2 doors that open out….to reveal…. EVERYTHING!  The thing also chastises you for wasting energy with annoying chimes when you stand there with the door open too long.  I find this feature only slightly better than remembering my Dad yelling at me to make up my mind already and close the door ~  “We pay for that electricity to keep the food cold, not the house.  Damn those Giants, how can they fumble that bad! Can you bring me a beer? ”

So after the requisite 24 hours at -2 degrees, we are now “harvesting” ice — that’s what they call it.   I’m officially an ice farmer too.


9 thoughts on “Congratulations! It’s a BEHEMOTH!

  1. I’ve seen him look @ you like that.

    When we had our kitchen renovated some years ago, my contractor had to shave down the molding around the adjacent window in order to accomodate the fridge (not a behemoth by any means, but perfectly suited to Fang & me.) To this day it amazes me the way he reconfigured the molding so that it looks exactly like the other ones in the room.

    Our new refrigerator (isn’t it crazy we bought ’em both at the same time, like mothers who go into labor @ simultaneously?) arrived exactly the size we expected, but both doors are badly scratched & dented. The delivery guy promplty called the store and had them order new doors, which are in transit – I could’ve carried on like some unemployed lawyer, demanding a whole new appliance, but I know what would have happened – they would have taken this one back to the store, put new doors on it there, and left me with no fridge AND no doors for a week. Instead it’s humming along, freshly stocked, and they were going to have to reverse the doors so it opens in the right direction anyway.

    1. Ya’know those ED drug commercials where the couple is doing yard work or changing a light bulb and the voice-over sez any moment can turn into a romantic one? Well, we’ve done quite a few hard-core home improvements over the years and THAT seems a bit far-fetched as a sales pitch.

      And I’d say you “handled” that door issue just fine …. you know I love the lowest form of humor, I can’t help myself.

  2. Brother Kevin and his lovely wife had the same problem with their new fridge last month. It’s great being the lucky “1 out of…” isn’t it?

    1. I think it might be more common than we originally thought. I guess all the super-sizing going on in America extends to our appliances as well. But the proof will be when we host Thanksgiving and we have to stockpile the fixings before and the leftovers after. It’s a “first world problem” for sure.

      1. I know we were looking for a fairly small, fairly basic model (it’s not a mini or anything – just the plain white up-&-down refrigerator everybody remembers from all your life) and it was actually hard to find one that wasn’t supersized – there were none at all on the sales floor, and if I hadn’t done my research in advance, I would’ve been stuck blindly leafing thru Fridgidaire catalogs. The funny thing is, as kitchen appliances get bigger and bigger, people are cooking @ home less & less often.
        I was secretly lusting after those super-high-end front-loading washing machines for a while, but the guy who came to repair my plain vanilla model told me that the superfabulous ones don’t really get your laundry any cleaner.

  3. Ok this post just this morning showed in my “Following” list. 😦 This is getting annoying. Anyway, congrats on the new arrival, glad it all worked out! Behemoth is such a great word, and we hardly ever get to use it 😉

    I think the advantage of the front loaders is they use less water and are more energy efficient. I don’t think they’re supposed to do a better job of cleaning. I don’t have one, but it may not be long before I need a new washer so may have the chance to find out. Ergh.

    1. As part of the recent homemaking arts movement we’ve been seeing these supersized, hi-power appliances for folks who don’t use their kitchens for much more than microwaving, and there’s this sub-genre dedicated to bringing the laundry out of the spidery basement. Builders are creating family rooms built around the Washer and Dryer, which now come in splashy colors and can be installed on pedestals (front-loaders, usually) so we don’t have to endure back aches loading or moving the wet clothes. Which brings us back to upgrading the profession of Laundress, I suppose. But when you get right down to it, I just want to put the clothes in with the soap and have them come out clean with the same # of sox I put in.

  4. The designer-colored washers look kooky and cheerful, but I can’t see building a conversation pit around ’em, or taking out a mortgage to buy one. My concern about the front loader, actually, is that if you get a lemon and it leaks, it could be a lot messier than if the top loader malfunctions (it takes a lot for one of those to overflow.) You all know I belong to a sub-sub-genre of the laundry movement, dedicated to bringing back the clothesline and eliminating the use of commercially prepared detergent, but there’s no need to revisit that.

  5. That’s just weird, family rooms focused on washer/dryers? No. Just no. Mine are either destined for basement or garage. Mine are currently in the garage where if anything goes wrong nothing of any consequence will suffer (but when things have gone wrong it overflowed in the bathroom… main house line was clogged. Plumbing is the bane of my existence…)

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